Youth

Youth is a fickle thing. When we are young, the only thing we want is to be older, and in some cases, "respected." As we age, we realize that all we want is to be younger. The cliche that youth is wasted on the young is more true than most of us would like to admit. Lola has not lived myriad years, but sometimes she feels like she has. As she looks back on her life, she is proud of many of the decisions she has made, and not so proud of more than a few. What do we do with those poor decisions? There is always the option of chalking it up to being young and dumb. There is also the less appealing fact that yes, we knew it was a bad idea, but we did it anyway. And the least fabulous thought is that we made some of those decisions out of anger or spite. Lola unfortunately must admit to all three, but particularly the latter. She made an awfully stupid decision when she was but a young thing, perhaps telling herself that it was the best thing at the time, but knowing that the primary reason she did it was out of spite. And what was she rewarded with? Knowing that, out of being hurt, angry, and (embarrasingly) out of spite, she made the worst decision she could have possibly made. And she will most likely spend the rest of her life regretting it, and asking herself, "But what if...."

It Never Stops

Just when you prepare yourself for one thing, something will completely sideswipe you and knock you off your course. I have yet to decide if this is good, bad, or indifferent. Sometimes being led (or shoved onto) a different path is good; we see and experience new things. Other times it just plain fucks shit up. At the less than ripe old age of 30, I have decided I may be too jaded for my own good. Not only am I not getting nearly as worked up about things as I used to (which, in some regards is wonderful), but I find myself completely nonplussed by most occurrences. I fear that I could blithely sit by and watch some sort of tragic accident, and only be annoyed if something were to spill into my cup of tea. I feel there must be some fine line between caring and complete apathy... I just haven't figured out how to find it.